Sama

Denial

The tactic of denial aims to make the victims feel guilty for accusing the manipulator of doing something wrong. This uses straight up, direct phrases such as, “What do you mean? I didn’t do that at all.”

​

​

Rationalization​

As the name suggests, is when manipulators try to rationalize and make excuses for why they behaved a certain way. They convince their victims that their behavior is justified in order to clear the path toward their goal. When rationalization is being used, it goes something similar to, “I only did this because this and that.” This goes hand-in-hand with the next tactic, minimization.

​

​

Minimization

​This is a technique wherein the manipulator insists that their behavior is not as bad as the victim presents it to be. Manipulators may use the words “just,” “only,” or say things like, “Yes, I did that, but at least I didn’t do this [worse action].” This tactic makes the victim feel as if they are being too critical, making them think they are the ones in the wrong.

 

​

Lying by Omission and by Distortion

While lying may be used as a tactic of manipulation, lying by omission & by distortion are much worse with its subtlety. Manipulators will only tell their victims a part of the truth or be vague with it, but since they are still giving information, victims will think that the manipulator is being trustworthy anyway.    

 

​

Selective Inattention​

This happens when manipulators refuse to listen to anything that goes against what they are trying to do. They believe that if they listen to what anybody has to say, they will lose the “superiority” and power that they have over others.

 

​

Diversion​

The usage of diversion techniques makes victims distracted from what the manipulator is truly trying to do. Manipulators know how to change the subject in such a covert way that their victims will not notice them doing so. When this technique is used, victims will usually not get actual answers to their questions.

 

​

Evasion

Manipulators use this technique similar to diversion by keeping their responses vague or irrelevant, keeping their victims out of the dark from what they truly mean. Similar to diversion, there is no direct answer given when this tactic is used.

 

​

Intimidation

Manipulators may also use threats and intimidation covertly to get what they want. They purposefully use only implied or indirect threats so that their victims will not easily catch their threats. In using this, manipulators still appear good while making their victims feel uneasy.

 

​

Guilt-tripping

Guilt-tripping goes along with other techniques such as denial and minimization such that its goal is to make the victim feel bad about their allegations. The manipulator uses the difference in consciences between them and their victims in order to take control of a situation.

 

​

Shaming​

Manipulators also use subtle shaming to increase self-doubt in their victims. Shaming used can be as subtle as a change in tone in their voices, or a change in facial expressions. For example, the phrase “I can’t believe you think of me that way!” could translate to, “You should be ashamed of yourself for thinking badly of me.”

 

​

Playing the Victim

This technique is used by the manipulator to gain sympathy from their victim by acting like they are the ones being oppressed by circumstance or another’s behavior.

 

​

Vilifying the Victim

With this tactic, the manipulator flips the roles between them and their victim. Their goal here is to make the victim think that they are the ones being manipulative when they stand up for themselves. There is a usage of phrases similar to, “You only think so because you hate me!” and “You’re just being mean.” when this tactic is used.

 

​

Playing the Servant

This tactic is used when the manipulator pretends to be doing something for another person out of the goodness of their own heart. This effectively masks their ill intentions with a noble cause. Aggressors effectively look better when they are serving for a particular cause such as religion, saying that they are doing a particular action for their god.

 

​

Seduction

Seduction is the use of flattery, charm, and praises to gain the favor of their victims. They try to make their victims feel important with the use of compliments in order to gain favors.

 

​

Projecting the Blame

This happens when the manipulator shifts the blame of a bad situation onto another person or onto their victims. “It’s because [someone] did this.” or “It’s because [someone] told me to do it!” are examples of how manipulators use this tactic.

 

​

Feigning Innocence

Similar to denial, manipulators act like they did not do anything wrong at all, making their victims question themselves. Manipulators usually give a look of surprise and say phrases like, “I didn’t mean to!”

 

​

Feigning Ignorance

Here, the manipulator pretends like they do not know what the victim is talking about, again leaving their victims confused about their own sanity and memory. Questions such as “Did I really do that?” or “What are you talking about?”

 

​

Brandishing

Brandishing is the use of anger to confuse and shock victims into simply following whatever the manipulator wants them to do. Manipulations could shout and become hostile unexpectedly to catch their victims off-guard.